She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
