I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
