the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
