she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
