dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
