3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
