so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
