There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
