My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
