I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
