Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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