I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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