when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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