i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
apparently the secret to your success is patron
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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