i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
