We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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