I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
