i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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