Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize