my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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