Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
