youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
