just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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