Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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