This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
