I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
