Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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