I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
