I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
did you just send me my own nude
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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