if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
