Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
