So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
