I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
