Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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