I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
