just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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