i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
honey bunches of taint.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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