I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
