His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
