Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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