I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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