Fuck appropriateness.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
