Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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