i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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