I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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