I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
