Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
