I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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