dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
