What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
40s are totally the cure
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
