I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
