My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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