So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
