those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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