Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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